CHAPTER 5 — THE DAY I BROKE INSIDE
Maya tried to hold her family together after Evan returned, but every day felt heavier than the last. She woke up each morning telling herself, “You have to stay calm. The children need you.” But her heart was tired. Her mind was tired. Her soul felt thin, like one touch could tear it apart. Evan walked around the house like a storm that came without warning. Some days he was quiet. Some days he was cold. Some days he acted like she was invisible. And some days he used his words like knives. He would say, “You complain too much.” Or, “You should be stronger.” She wanted to say, “I am trying,” but the words stayed inside her throat.
One evening, everything changed. Evan came home in a bad mood. He dropped his bag on the floor and said, “This house is a mess.” Maya looked around. The house was clean. The kids were fed. The dishes were done. But she stayed quiet because she knew the real mess was not the house. The real mess was inside him. She said in a soft voice, “Are you okay?” He looked at her sharply and said, “Why do you always ask that? Stop bothering me.” She felt her heart dip. She whispered, “I just care.” He stepped closer and said, “Then stop caring.” Those words cut deeper than anything he had ever said.
That night, Lily came to her and said, “Mom, why is Dad angry at you?” Maya hugged her tightly. She held her so close that she could feel her daughter’s small heartbeat. She whispered, “It’s not your fault, baby.” But inside, she felt shame. She hated that her daughter had to see this. She hated that her son watched in silence. She hated that her pain was touching the people she loved the most. She closed her eyes and whispered, “Please, God, help me.” Her tears fell on Lily’s hair.
Later, when the kids were asleep, Maya entered the bedroom quietly. Evan was sitting on the bed, scrolling on his phone. She stood near the door and said softly, “Can we talk?” He didn’t look up. He said, “About what?” She swallowed her fear and said, “I feel alone.” He laughed. He didn’t even hide it. He said, “Then find something else to do.” The sound of his laugh felt like a slap to her soul. She whispered, “I’m your wife. I need you.” He looked finally at her and said in a cold voice, “You’re too emotional. It’s annoying.” She felt something break in her chest. She said nothing more. She walked out of the room before he could see her cry.
She sat on the kitchen floor alone. Her hands covered her face. She whispered, “Why am I never enough?” She remembered her childhood. She remembered her parents’ harsh words. She remembered how she always tried to please everyone. She remembered the little girl who once wanted to draw birds and flowers. She asked herself, “Where is that girl now?” It felt like she had vanished long ago. Maya pulled her knees close and cried in a way she had never cried before. Her tears were deep. They came from years of pain. They came from years of silence. They came from years of trying to hold a life that kept slipping away.
Then something happened that she would never forget. Noah walked into the kitchen, half-asleep, holding his small blanket. He looked at her with tired eyes and said, “Mom, don’t cry.” He touched her face with his tiny hand. It broke her completely. She hugged him tightly and whispered, “I’m sorry, baby.” She cried into his hair. She said, “I will be stronger. I promise.” That moment was the moment she knew she could not live like this anymore. That was the night she broke inside, but it was also the night something new began to rise.
She stood up, wiped her tears, and looked at her reflection on the microwave door. Her face was swollen. Her eyes were red. But she whispered to herself, “This is not the end. This is the start of me.” For the first time, she felt a small spark of strength. It was small, but it was real. And she held onto it like a lifeline.
